Normally I am a very optimistic person.  I can generally see the silver lining in just about anything.  But every once in a while I have a blue day.  They were much stronger and more frequent when I was struggling with my addiction.  Mix that with acting out and the guilt/shame cycle that would follow and I had quite the nasty depressive combination.  But these days I would describe my blue days as more of a “Meh” day.  Unfortunately it’s a bit of a catch 22.  It tends to impact my motivation and so I don’t accomplish the things I set out to do for the day — which also makes me feel a bit down.  Then I feel bad for possibly not helping someone else which also kind of makes it worse.  Can you feel my pity party I have going on here?  🙂 The good news is that for the most part these days only last one day for me.  Today I felt really strongly about doing something for someone else.  Something I felt impressed God wanted me to do.  But also something I was a bit nervous about and as the day wore on and I didn’t really do what I set out to do my nervousness turned into fear.  And now it’s a nice plate of guilt served up with a side dish of self-pity.

I know what I need to do to snap out of it.  I’ll talk to my wife about it, share my feelings, share what I didn’t do that I meant to do.  I will make a new resolution to do it tomorrow and hopefully even start working on it tonight.  I will then say a pray and ask God to forgive me and to help remove my self-pity and depression.  And finally, I’ll find something nice to do for someone else, most likely my wife 🙂

I went back and forth on whether I should share this with you, but then I thought, “You know, life isn’t always roses and we don’t always win.  But when we trip, fall down, or even just lag behind a bit, we can always pick ourselves back up, brush ourselves off, and take that next step forward.  It’s always one step at a time no matter where we’re going or how fast we’re getting there.”  If you have a blue day, it’s okay.  Try not to wallow in it though.  Have your moment and then get back in there and keep fighting!  Turn to a friend, turn to God, make amends for anything you’ve done, and be sure to do something nice for someone else.  That always makes me feel better.  After all, it’s not about me, it’s about what I can do for someone else.

My name is Mike