Month: March 2016

9 months of sobriety

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This week in my SAA Primary Purpose 12 step meeting I celebrated my 9 months of sobriety since starting with my SAA 12 step group and finding freedom from my addiction (you can find a local SAAPP group here if interested).  We’ve restarted reading the AA big book using the question and answer study guide.  We all commented on one of the paragraphs in Doctor Bob’s introduction where he whole heartedly endorsed the method of the AA 12 step program as the best way to beat addiction.  What struck us most was the first key to recovery that he focused on was to share the message of your own recovery with others.  That you needed to work the steps and then go find other people to help them work their steps (this is effectively step 12). Continue reading →

To Moms (and Dads) with children suffering with pornography addiction

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A good friend of mine has a son who struggles with pornography addiction.  They both reached out to me because I’ve been open about my addiction and willing to talk to anyone who has questions or needs help.  One of the first things I told her was to not be angry with him, don’t punish him, and don’t pile on any extra guilt — he’ll do plenty of that on his own and it won’t be helpful.  (This message applies to dads as well.) Continue reading →

Step 1: Honesty

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If you are struggling with pornography or other sexual addictions this video will rock your world. It could also change your life forever. I watched this video the first time with my jaw hanging open. I could not believe how honest, how open, how raw, and how real this video was. David (the main subject) does not pull any punches in his message. His life was falling apart and he finally recognized he did not want to live that way anymore, that he needed help, and that he had to tell others – including his wife. Continue reading →

The most terrifying question in the world.

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Do you want to make a man sweat or squirm?  Ask him the most terrifying question in the world:  “How do you feel?”

Our mouths will form the words, “Fine, okay, good, etc.”  Our brains will be in full on “Red Alert” mode!!  The red lights are flashing, the sirens are sounding!  The command and control is shouting, “Dive, dive, dive!!”  We want to get out of there as fast as possible!

“How do we feel?”  What kind of question is that?  Why do you want to know?  What are you looking for?  Society tells men that we don’t have feelings.  We’re tough.  We chew nails, chop down trees, and kill wooly mammoths with our own hands!

We. Do. Not. Have. Feelings.

And we most certainly do NOT talk about them.  At least, that’s what I used to think…turns out recognizing our emotions and sharing them is KEY to recovery.  KEY!! Continue reading →

Talking with your children about pornography

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This evening I was on my children’s computer in the kitchen and decided to review the YouTube history.  I was surprised to see some videos that had been watched by our oldest.  They were from popular YouTube stars with what I would consider adult topics that have heavy sexual overtones in their content.  I won’t list them nor give direct examples of what they said but I would definitely rate it an NC-17 for what they were talking about in their content.  Certainly not for someone who is learning how to handle their time online.  I shared an example video with my wife and after we both looked at each other in complete shock, she asked, “Well maybe she didn’t listen to that one.”  I indicated that it came directly out of the “watched history” list.  And there were easily 30-40 from that one individual, I can’t imagine what was on the other channels and didn’t really need to know.  What we needed to do was take action. Continue reading →

Major trigger event – total surprise!

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I logged onto my blog and email to check for visitors and found a message from Facebook that they had deactivated my page because it was not linked to a real account.  I went into an immediate emotional tailspin unlike anything I’ve felt in a long time.  I was shocked at how strong the feelings were and immediately recognized it as a major trigger event.  Wow!  I didn’t think I would have those anymore, but all I can say is, “Yes, I still have them.”  The difference is I recognized it for what it was and immediately went into Continue reading →

Resources I have found useful

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I am often asked what I’ve done to become free of my pornography addiction and stay strong in my recovery.  Each time I’ll share different things depending on where the person is in their own recovery, but I thought it might be useful to share all of the activities, books, online sites, etc., that have been critical in helping me recover and find my freedom. Continue reading →