Conversation

The power of serving others

Hi my name is Mike 2 Comments

There is a power that comes to me whenever I am in the service of others with no thought to my own self and whether or not I am “getting something” out of the experience.  It is the purest kind of love.  It is what lifts others as well as ourselves at the same time.  Service unlocks in me the ability to let go of the darkness and pain of my own struggles for a brief period of time.  Service helps us look outward instead of inward.  Unfortunately, even trying to do something noble like serving others I can over do things — I get caught up in creating complexity where simplicity would suffice.  I start out with no expectations but sometimes that changes and I lose the selflessness of the act.  Or maybe I over do the amount of service I’m trying to provide and instead of lifting me and providing peace to my life, it creates anxiety and stress (I’m convinced my therapist thinks this is some sort of strange super power that I have!).   Continue reading →

Confessions from counseling

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I wanted to share with you the value I find in working with a trusted professional counselor as you overcome not only the addiction itself, but more importantly, as you work to unwind the damage done by the tornado of your life that negatively impacted those around you.  If you’re early in your recovery this may not make a lot of sense just yet, but if you can trust me enough to read on and believe that there is something of value in the experiences I’ve had walking this road for 3-1/2 years now, you may find yourself in a better starting point when you work with your own counselor someday.  And if you’re saying to yourself, “There’s no way I’ll ever talk to a counselor!”  Then allow me to begin with the day I turned to the window of my counselor’s office and literally thought to myself, “I wonder how bad it will hurt to jump through that window and run away?” Continue reading →

The Power of Support

Hi my name is Mike 2 Comments

One of the most important things I stress to new people who come to our 12 step program for the first time is to join our support group afterwards — you’ll make friends, you’ll be able to ask questions and get answers, you’ll get contact info, and be able to text or call each other throughout the week.  Most importantly though, you’ll stop feeling alone because you’ll no longer be alone!  Having our support group has made all of the difference in the world for each one of us. Continue reading →

A year and a half later I still reach out to my sponsor

Hi my name is Mike 4 Comments

Last week was a difficult week for me.  I was struggling with stress from work, the time I was spending with my recovery groups, time with family, time with church obligations, and on top of that I felt like I was not giving enough attention and effort to my relationship with my wife.  I felt like I was crumbling underneath it all and not doing well in any one of them.  I was beginning to feel self-pity, resentment, fear, and anger.  I ignored it for a few days, but finally I found the humility to admit that I was once again powerless over this struggle and needed to reach out to someone immediately.  Continue reading →

My brother’s tribute to my sobriety: “Lady Liberty is totally modestly dressed”

Hi my name is Mike 4 Comments

Every now and then something will truly move me.  It will usually change my perspective on how I see the world, how I look to the future, or how I even interpret my past.  Most of them are with my family like an incredible vacation, a lost loved one, or a major event in our children’s lives.  But once in a while something unique occurs and it becomes one of the things that will always be part of me and I will never forget.  The latest indelible memory came from my brother in the form of a padded envelope on Friday afternoon.  Continue reading →

Productive goals versus non-productive goals

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My daughter shared a powerful tool that her counselor shared with her this week:  learning to chose non-productive goals over productive goals.  My initial response was, “If a goal is non-productive, what is the point?  The purpose of a goal is to produce a desired outcome, right?”  Turns out, that is not always the case. For those of us that find ourselves impacted by anxiety, depression, or increased stress as a result of our fight over pornography addiction we may find that setting more non-productive goals will be a lot healthier to our recovery, our personal well being, and even to our relationships with others. Continue reading →

It’s all part of the human condition.

Hi my name is Mike 4 Comments

“It’s all part of the human condition.”  Those are the words my brother lovingly shared with me over the phone as we talked about my daughter who had just been admitted to a mental health hospital for severe depression.  He had been there.  He knew what it was like to suffer with horrible depression for years.  That was last Wednesday.  We’re hoping she’s well enough to go home tomorrow but there are no guarantees.  And worst of all, there’s nothing I can do to fix it.

Continue reading →

Day 11 of 30: Dig Deep!

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My daughter and I are training for her first foot race and have had a good time running together.  She enjoys exercising and the healthful feelings she gets after she runs in the morning — as do I!  Two weeks ago we started interval training, where you run for short distances as fast as you can, rest, and do it again multiple times.  It’s really hard and pushes you more than you think you can do the first time you try it.  She was super nervous and kept saying, “I just don’t think I can do this.”  I kept reassuring her that I knew she could and that 90% of doing something hard comes from our minds, not our bodies.  Then I started to talk to her about the principle of “Digging Deep” and that when she thinks she’s out of gas and can’t go one step further if she’ll look inside and really dig deep she’ll find that there’s still more to give. Continue reading →

Day 9 of 30: A Friend’s Journey to Recovery

Hi my name is Mike 2 Comments

Two days ago I read a friend’s blog about her progress on her own recovery and was absolutely blown away at the power of her story!  It’s been amazing to see her progress and watch the 12 steps working in her life.  She is completely different from when I started following her blog and I’m sure there was plenty of growth before that and certainly there will be plenty of growth moving forward!  THAT is the power of the 12 step program!  I am not kidding, it literally has the power to change who we are.  We become different people than we once were.  We’re less selfish.  We’re more confident.  We’re free of our burdens and able to turn our attention to the needs of others.  We heal.  We grow.  We share our stories with others.  If you’ve been stuck on your own program or have wondered if a 12 step can work for you, read this snapshot into the journey of my friend’s recovery.  It is amazing! Continue reading →

Day 7 of 30: Some days are just okay

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Normally I am a very optimistic person.  I can generally see the silver lining in just about anything.  But every once in a while I have a blue day.  They were much stronger and more frequent when I was struggling with my addiction.  Mix that with acting out and the guilt/shame cycle that would follow and I had quite the nasty depressive combination.  But these days I would describe my blue days as more of a “Meh” day.  Unfortunately it’s a bit of a catch 22.  It tends to impact my motivation and so I don’t accomplish the things I set out to do for the day — which also makes me feel a bit down.  Then I feel bad for possibly not helping someone else which also kind of makes it worse.  Can you feel my pity party I have going on here?  🙂 Continue reading →