If you are struggling with pornography or other sexual addictions this video will rock your world. It could also change your life forever. I watched this video the first time with my jaw hanging open. I could not believe how honest, how open, how raw, and how real this video was. David (the main subject) does not pull any punches in his message. His life was falling apart and he finally recognized he did not want to live that way anymore, that he needed help, and that he had to tell others – including his wife.
That is a difficult conversation. I remember the first time I opened up to my wife about my addiction. I was afraid she would not love me anymore. I was afraid that I would hurt her. I was afraid it would make things worse. Turns out none of those things were true. (That’s not to say that your wife may not leave you – that may be part of your recovery.) I may not have hurt my wife when I told her the first time, but I certainly began to hurt her in the future the more I tried to quit and the more I failed. It took time and practice but I have learned the value of complete honesty when it comes to our addiction – no matter the price we may have to pay.
Honesty is hard to learn as an addict. We lie to ourselves that we don’t have a problem, that it’s not as bad as it seems, that we’re not hurting anyone else, and that we don’t need help from others. None of that is true.
There were two lies I told myself for the longest time. One was that I was not hurting my wife. The other was that I did not need anyone’s help, that I could fix this by myself. I definitely was hurting my wife and her pain grew bigger and bigger over time. Also, no matter how I tried or how long I tried, I could never beat my addiction on my own. Not even with God and myself (for the record, God was always there to help me, I just ignored his recommendations to seek help from others).
When I finally hit my bottom, when I admitted to myself that I was cheating on my wife, and when I admitted that I needed professional help – that was when I was finally being honest with myself and was ready to receive the help I needed from God, friends, groups, and others.
Each Monday for the next week I plan to talk about my thoughts on the twelve steps of the 12 step program from Alcoholics Anonymous as adapted for Sex Addicts Anonymous. I have a lot more to say about this step but in the meantime, hopefully it has started you to ask yourself, “Am I being honest with myself, others, and God?”
If you have any experiences or questions with being honest, please post them below. I’d love to hear them and discuss them.
Until next time, my name is Mike.