12 Step

The Power of Support

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One of the most important things I stress to new people who come to our 12 step program for the first time is to join our support group afterwards — you’ll make friends, you’ll be able to ask questions and get answers, you’ll get contact info, and be able to text or call each other throughout the week.  Most importantly though, you’ll stop feeling alone because you’ll no longer be alone!  Having our support group has made all of the difference in the world for each one of us. Continue reading →

What does it mean to have a “Broken heart and a contrite spirit?”

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For most of my life I always pictured the requirement for having a broken heart and a contrite spirit was to be “broken” in spirit.  In other words, to be less than I am right now.  To give up my freedom.  Or to lose my sense of self.  Or to give up my free will.  That essentially I would lose my independence and having been broken, become unable to make my own decisions or to standup for myself and be who I want to be.  In some ways, those statements are close to the true meaning of a “Broken Heart” and yet in ways that are subtle and very important they also couldn’t be further from the truth. Continue reading →

Sometimes I just want to be normal

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Every now and again I have a bit of a pity party.  It’s the one that goes like this, “Why did this happen to me?  Why can’t I be like normal people?  Why do I have to work the 12 steps the rest of my life?”

Can you hear the baby crying in the background?  Because I can.  I don’t know how often this happens, and I would say that it’s happening less and less, but it still happens.  Usually around the same time I start softening my bottom lines, quit doing daily study and meditation, or stop calling a friend to do 10th steps.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Continue reading →

Day 9 of 30: A Friend’s Journey to Recovery

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Two days ago I read a friend’s blog about her progress on her own recovery and was absolutely blown away at the power of her story!  It’s been amazing to see her progress and watch the 12 steps working in her life.  She is completely different from when I started following her blog and I’m sure there was plenty of growth before that and certainly there will be plenty of growth moving forward!  THAT is the power of the 12 step program!  I am not kidding, it literally has the power to change who we are.  We become different people than we once were.  We’re less selfish.  We’re more confident.  We’re free of our burdens and able to turn our attention to the needs of others.  We heal.  We grow.  We share our stories with others.  If you’ve been stuck on your own program or have wondered if a 12 step can work for you, read this snapshot into the journey of my friend’s recovery.  It is amazing! Continue reading →

Day 6 of 30: Working with Others

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This morning I re-read Chapter 7 in the AA Big Book titled “Working with Others”.  The very first sentence of the chapter boldly declares a primary key to continued sobriety:  “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from [acting out] as intensive work with other [addicts].”  As recovered/recovering addicts we can help other addicts like no one else can.  Helping someone else achieve sobriety and ultimately beat their addiction is one of the greatest joys for a fellow addict.  This chapter has some great advice on how to help others as well as some important cautionary measures to be sure you take. Continue reading →

Day 2 of 30: Not my will, but thine be done.

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Five or six years ago I tried an experiment to pray each morning and ask God what He would have me do that day.  I kept a notepad by my nightstand and wrote down whatever I felt in response.  In the beginning the inspirations or answers were minor, they were easy.  But eventually they became rather difficult.  I almost began to fear to ask what He would have me do because I worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it.  Continue reading →

My first experience as a sponsor

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I have wanted to be a sponsor for some time now, it was hard to be patient but I knew I needed to wait for someone to hit their bottom and be willing to work the steps.  I finally had someone reach out to me a month ago.  I’ll keep him and any of the story pertaining to him completely anonymous and out of this story.  That’s his story to tell, not mine.  For now, this is about my side of the experience.  What is it like to be a sponsor and what did I learn in my first meeting?  It surprised me! Continue reading →

Time to make a plan

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A friend of mine recently became a bishop (think pastor/priest) and he told me that he was shocked at how many people are struggling with pornography.  He doesn’t know where to start when they tell him their problems.  This includes adults and youth.  I’ve wanted to help create an easy to use program for youth leaders and parents.  I think it’s time to put that plan into action. Continue reading →

I was TERRIFIED to attend a 12 step meeting

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I don’t know if I can adequately reproduce in words the absolute fear that I had about attending my first 12 step meeting.  “What would people think?”  “Who might be there?”  “What if someone found out?”  “What if someone I know is there?”  “What if it’s a room full of weirdos?”  After several months of fretting and “thinking about it” I finally got up the courage to … ask a friend to go with me.  Seriously!  I called a friend and asked if he’d go with me to a group meeting.  Did I mention that I was absolutely terrified? Continue reading →

Step 1: Honesty

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If you are struggling with pornography or other sexual addictions this video will rock your world. It could also change your life forever. I watched this video the first time with my jaw hanging open. I could not believe how honest, how open, how raw, and how real this video was. David (the main subject) does not pull any punches in his message. His life was falling apart and he finally recognized he did not want to live that way anymore, that he needed help, and that he had to tell others – including his wife. Continue reading →