The Problem

Backstory: Along came mobile…

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I almost don’t want to share this part of my story.  It was a dark time for me.  I really got sucked down the rabbit hole and was afraid I would never make it back out.  However, it was also a time when a trusted spiritual leader encouraged me to seek professional help.  It also was when one of my best friends invited me to join him at a 12 step meeting.  It was the darkest of times but it was also the catalyst for my journey to freedom.  I would not trade those experiences for anything.  They have propelled me to a place of peace, freedom, and joyous opportunities to help others. Continue reading →

Day 8 of 30: Abstain from Sexual Fantasy

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A couple of years ago I was sitting in my psychiatrist’s office and he turns to me and asks, do you fantasize about your wife?  “Of course I do,” was my reply.  I expected that to be very normal and not an issue.  I was definitely still in my early stages of addiction recovery (more of the discovery stage versus the solution stage).  His simple but powerful reply was, “That’s interesting.  Does she know that you fantasize about her?  Do you have her permission?”  I went to answer and found I had no words.  I was dumbfounded.  I had never thought of that before. Continue reading →

Embarking on a new path in recovery

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Last week I was writing in my recovery journal and one of the questions asked, “What behaviors or weaknesses do you want to change?”  My initial response was, I’ve found my freedom from pornography, I’m good.  But a few minutes later I remembered that I still struggle with viewing women as objects instead of people.  If I’m not careful, when I first see a woman my brain tends to see her as her physical attributes instead of as a human with thoughts, feelings, personality, etc.  I would like to change that and see all women as who they truly are — a human being, a person, a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, etc.  They are someone.  They are not a collection of objects to be lusted after. Continue reading →

Major trigger event – total surprise!

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I logged onto my blog and email to check for visitors and found a message from Facebook that they had deactivated my page because it was not linked to a real account.  I went into an immediate emotional tailspin unlike anything I’ve felt in a long time.  I was shocked at how strong the feelings were and immediately recognized it as a major trigger event.  Wow!  I didn’t think I would have those anymore, but all I can say is, “Yes, I still have them.”  The difference is I recognized it for what it was and immediately went into Continue reading →