Backstory: Along came mobile…

 

I almost don’t want to share this part of my story.  It was a dark time for me.  I really got sucked down the rabbit hole and was afraid I would never make it back out.  However, it was also a time when a trusted spiritual leader encouraged me to seek professional help.  It also was when one of my best friends invited me to join him at a 12 step meeting.  It was the darkest of times but it was also the catalyst for my journey to freedom.  I would not trade those experiences for anything.  They have propelled me to a place of peace, freedom, and joyous opportunities to help others. Continue reading

Day 11 of 30: Dig Deep!

My daughter and I are training for her first foot race and have had a good time running together.  She enjoys exercising and the healthful feelings she gets after she runs in the morning — as do I!  Two weeks ago we started interval training, where you run for short distances as fast as you can, rest, and do it again multiple times.  It’s really hard and pushes you more than you think you can do the first time you try it.  She was super nervous and kept saying, “I just don’t think I can do this.”  I kept reassuring her that I knew she could and that 90% of doing something hard comes from our minds, not our bodies.  Then I started to talk to her about the principle of “Digging Deep” and that when she thinks she’s out of gas and can’t go one step further if she’ll look inside and really dig deep she’ll find that there’s still more to give. Continue reading

Day 8 of 30: Abstain from Sexual Fantasy

A couple of years ago I was sitting in my psychiatrist’s office and he turns to me and asks, do you fantasize about your wife?  “Of course I do,” was my reply.  I expected that to be very normal and not an issue.  I was definitely still in my early stages of addiction recovery (more of the discovery stage versus the solution stage).  His simple but powerful reply was, “That’s interesting.  Does she know that you fantasize about her?  Do you have her permission?”  I went to answer and found I had no words.  I was dumbfounded.  I had never thought of that before. Continue reading

Day 4 of 30: Do you Keep a Gratitude Journal?

A few weeks ago we were in the Addiction Recovery Program meeting and while an individual was sharing his thoughts on his recovery with the group he asked us the question, “Do you keep a gratitude journal?”  I found that to be an interesting question.  Originally I thought, “I do keep a journal, not every day, but often.  Why do I need a second journal?  I already record thoughts in it that are sometimes thoughts of gratitude.”  Continue reading

Day 3 of 30: Keys to Recovery

Over the last several years I’ve studied multiple books including He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, the AA Big Book and the Addiction Recovery Program Manual.  I’ve also met with a private counselor, held a private recovery group at my house, attended LDS Addiction Recovery group meetings, and attended SAA Primary Purpose meetings.  Fairly early on I took notes from each of these meetings and I would underline passages in the books and write in the columns.  Every now and again I would come across something that really changed my way of thinking or lead to a new pattern of behavior or was literally the key to my transformation from an addict to a recovered addict (I highlighted it by writing KEY in the book).  Over the next few days I will occasionally list those “KEY” experiences.  Hopefully you find them useful for your own journey to freedom from addiction. Continue reading

Day 2 of 30: Not my will, but thine be done.

Five or six years ago I tried an experiment to pray each morning and ask God what He would have me do that day.  I kept a notepad by my nightstand and wrote down whatever I felt in response.  In the beginning the inspirations or answers were minor, they were easy.  But eventually they became rather difficult.  I almost began to fear to ask what He would have me do because I worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it.  Continue reading

30 days 30 posts

For the month of June I thought I’d try an experiment.  I’m going to share my thoughts on pornography addiction, recovery, prevention, relationships, healing, helping others, depression and anxiety, and anything else that comes up in my daily study, interactions with others, working with sponsees, and 12 step group meetings.  I don’t know what the topics will be until I write them.  I’ll try to keep them to 3 paragraphs or less.  Continue reading

My first experience as a sponsor

I have wanted to be a sponsor for some time now, it was hard to be patient but I knew I needed to wait for someone to hit their bottom and be willing to work the steps.  I finally had someone reach out to me a month ago.  I’ll keep him and any of the story pertaining to him completely anonymous and out of this story.  That’s his story to tell, not mine.  For now, this is about my side of the experience.  What is it like to be a sponsor and what did I learn in my first meeting?  It surprised me! Continue reading

Journey Update: Objectification of Women

I recently began a new stage of my journey in recovery to address my brain’s unfortunate recognition of women as objects instead of as people.  This has been a frustrating part of my recovery as I had hoped that this would have been included in the healing aspect of my 12 step program through my SAAPP efforts.  Kind of a “buy one get one free” sort of deal where once I found freedom from my addiction to pornography, I would also no longer be objectifying women.  That has not been the case for me and I would imagine it has not been the case for most people. Continue reading

A run a day keeps the triggers away

Who knew that helping out with my child’s school project could be a trigger to view pornography?  Last night my 12 year old asked for my help photoshopping a few posters for a school council election.  I love to help my kids with their projects and I especially love doing anything creative.  Imagine my shock to find myself totally triggered in the middle of the project.  I was serving someone else for crying out loud!  Thankfully, I was able to work one of my many tools I’ve learned over the years and avoid any complications like a slip. Continue reading