Day 2 of 30: Not my will, but thine be done.

Five or six years ago I tried an experiment to pray each morning and ask God what He would have me do that day.  I kept a notepad by my nightstand and wrote down whatever I felt in response.  In the beginning the inspirations or answers were minor, they were easy.  But eventually they became rather difficult.  I almost began to fear to ask what He would have me do because I worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it.  Several months later my fear won out and I quit asking and the habit died away.  Fast forward to a year ago when I started my twelve step program and a friend indicated that when I got to step 11 I would be praying daily to ask God what he would have me do that day for others.  Would my fear return?  Would I be able to do it day in and day out?  I did not know, but I was willing to try.

My experience has been completely different than the first time.  As I prepared to write my thoughts today I’ve been going over this difference and I have been analyzing it to try and understand why it seems so natural today in comparison to when I was filled with so much fear all those years ago.  No doubt I am a different man than I was five years ago, but I think it’s more than just personal growth.  I believe that it is because I’m beginning to realize that I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing this for God.  Also, I’m not doing this alone.  If God wants me to do something for Him, I know that He will help me, He will guide me.  Even if He leaves me alone to try it by myself, it is because He trusts me and will be there if I fall.  I no longer have fear because I am not focused on my personal performance or some sort of consequence for failure.  Rather, I am focused on “What can I do for someone else? ”

I have to tell you, the transformation is kind of mind blowing to me.  I don’t consider myself a particularly brave person.  I avoid danger and prefer to take the safe route.  So to look back and remember my fear the first time I tried to do God’s will each day and compare it to the calm peace and serenity I feel today, it truly is a complete transformation.  The entire experience is different.  I am different.  Not because I am some strong amazing person, but rather because I realize where my real strength comes from — trusting in God.  By giving my will to Him, I get peace, confidence, and strength in return.  To be honest, it’s not always easy, and sometimes I forget.  I also struggle to remember to say morning prayers on the weekends.  Which is my way of saying, I’m nowhere near perfect at this, but it is definitely easier and has become part of my regular routine.  I will continue to write down my impressions each morning and hopefully have them checked off by the end of the day.  In fact, I can now check off the last thing on today’s list 🙂

Here’s looking to a new tomorrow with a new opportunity to serve others, big or small.  I hope you find peace in giving your will to our Father in Heaven.  He loves us and wants us to have the wonderful strength and serenity that can only come by serving others.

My name is Mike

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s